Posted by: Bonnie Anderson | April 3, 2012

Too Radiant for Words

I was clipping coupons from the Sunday paper when I came across the ad – Radiant feminine protection.  My first thought – this must be some kind of a joke.  It wasn’t.  I tried to put it out of my mind, but I was compelled to write down some thoughts to help my mind absorb what my eyes saw.  So now I feel I must apologize for actually writing a tampon-related blog post, but how could I be quiet in the face of such obvious blogging material.

This isn’t only about the latest goofy name in feminine protection; it’s about how words lose their meaning.  As an example, listen in on a fictional conversation between my husband and me.

“You look radiant tonight,” said my darling husband.

“Oh thank you,” I said with a blush.  “It must be the new line of feminine protection I’m using.”

That is better than the opposite – Bob gazed into my eyes and spoke softly, “You’ve lost the glow that once defined your beauty.  It’s as if you don’t love me enough to use the right feminine protection.”

“I’m hideous.  Look away until I can go to the drugstore and get Radiant,” I said while holding back tears.”

CharlotteWeb.png

Wilbur was Radiant.

This is as ridiculous as using the word “radiant” in association with feminine protection products.  It should be reserved for pigs named Wilbur and other worthy things*.  Radiant means showing happiness or shining as with a bright or glowing light.  Ask any woman – when we use these products, being radiant is the last thing on our minds.  They could have jewel tones, be made of fine silk or memory foam and we would still not associate them with being radiant.  Add to that the fact that now if Bob tells me I look radiant, I’m going to wonder just exactly what he means by that.  Let’s take a look at these products.  The first one is “Always Radiant Infinity Pads.”  The translation is At All Times Glowing & Limitless.  Really?  That’s the description of a feminine pad?  At least I wouldn’t have to turn the bathroom light on.  There is also Always Radiant Incredibly Thin Liners.  That’s about the same, only because it’s labeled incredible I find it very difficult to believe.  The advertisers seemed to have the most trouble with jazzing up the tampon name so they left it simple – Tampax Radiant.  I suppose that says it all.

Silly me I always thought to look for a product that did what it was supposed to do, now they want me to look for one that does what it’s impossible to do.  I know I’m judging without trying the products, but I’m sensing something else is afoot here, and it all starts to make sense when I see the price of these glow sticks is more than for the ordinary, non-radiant type.  Yep, you’ve gotta pay extra to be radiant.

*And speaking of other worthy things – Here is a scripture that really captures how the word radiant should be used:

Ezekiel 43:2 – “and I saw the glory of the God of Israel coming from the east. His voice was like the roar of rushing waters, and the land was radiant with his glory.”

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Responses

  1. Oh my word. Are you serious??? That is the craziest thing I ever heard of…well, other than a hardwood floor cleaner named Allura. 😉 Can you imagine Mary and Laura…or Miss Helen Crump…or Miss Kitty…or even Lucy and Ethel…shopping for “Always Radiant” Maxi Pads? 😀

    • I think I can picture Lucy and Ethel. Of course, Lucy’d have some ‘splaining to do.

  2. Haha!! This post is brilliant…or should I say radiant? You’ve made my day.

    • Thanks, Debi. Thanks, too, for reading this one early for me.

  3. Oh my gosh… memory foam… flow (I mean) glow sticks… you make me laugh right out loud! 🙂

    • Thanks, Dena. Thanks for reposting it on fb, too. I know you and I track on stuff like this. It sure is fun.

  4. This is hysterical… and oh my it had to have been a man who designed that name sort of like it had to have been a man who created the mammogram machine.
    So glad you found humor in the ordinary and so glad you felt comfortable in sharing it.

    • Thanks, Sharon. Last night I had Bob read it just to make sure I hadn’t gone off the deep end and he gave it a go. Glad you enjoyed it, too.

  5. This was hilarious! Love it, love it! Tampons do anything but make you feel radiant…for sure! Thanks for your wit and light-hearted take on everyday life. (Dena definitely got your wit as well…never a dull moment! ha!)

    • Thanks, Stephanie. Yes, wit is our family heritage, especially on my mom’s side. When I think of my aunts and uncles and grandparents, it’s always with lots of smiles and laughter.

  6. Ha ha ha! Def not a smart woman of childbearing age on that team!

    • You ain’t kiddin, Shelley! Thanks for commenting.

  7. lol Oh I really enjoyed this post. It’s too true sadly but my you made it funny. Marketer seem to really be reaching when it comes to these products and it’s certainly providing fodder for some funny stuff. Well done.

    • Thank you for your kind words. Yes, marketing/advertising gives us lots to blog about.

  8. Marketing can be so sad. Who are they marketing to anyway? This post was hilarious. Thanks for being brave and talking about tampons. It IS perfect blogging material 🙂

    • I have no idea, and I wonder how many people actually cut out that coupon.

  9. Brilliant post I laughed out loud 😀

  10. I’m years past the need for monthly feminine protection, but, as I recall, using it always made me feel so radiant. I sure miss that feeling.

    • You just made me laugh. The past the need for monthly gives into radiating in a different way! Thanks!

  11. This post was radiantly funny Bonnie (of course, I mean that in the Wilburesque manner) – awesome! Tweeted it as well….

    • Why thank you, Tor. I think it was my most popular post yet.

  12. Ah yes Bonnie. You never fear to tread…

    LOL

    Marketers of the World – BEWARE! Bonnie is on your case! 🙂

    • Honestly, I did fear a little. I ran it past Bob first!


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