Too Radiant for Words

I was clipping coupons from the Sunday paper when I came across the ad – Radiant feminine protection.  My first thought – this must be some kind of a joke.  It wasn’t.  I tried to put it out of my mind, but I was compelled to write down some thoughts to help my mind absorb what my eyes saw.  So now I feel I must apologize for actually writing a tampon-related blog post, but how could I be quiet in the face of such obvious blogging material.

This isn’t only about the latest goofy name in feminine protection; it’s about how words lose their meaning.  As an example, listen in on a fictional conversation between my husband and me.

“You look radiant tonight,” said my darling husband.

“Oh thank you,” I said with a blush.  “It must be the new line of feminine protection I’m using.”

That is better than the opposite – Bob gazed into my eyes and spoke softly, “You’ve lost the glow that once defined your beauty.  It’s as if you don’t love me enough to use the right feminine protection.”

“I’m hideous.  Look away until I can go to the drugstore and get Radiant,” I said while holding back tears.”

Wilbur was Radiant.

This is as ridiculous as using the word “radiant” in association with feminine protection products.  It should be reserved for pigs named Wilbur and other worthy things*.  Radiant means showing happiness or shining as with a bright or glowing light.  Ask any woman – when we use these products, being radiant is the last thing on our minds.  They could have jewel tones, be made of fine silk or memory foam and we would still not associate them with being radiant.  Add to that the fact that now if Bob tells me I look radiant, I’m going to wonder just exactly what he means by that.  Let’s take a look at these products.  The first one is “Always Radiant Infinity Pads.”  The translation is At All Times Glowing & Limitless.  Really?  That’s the description of a feminine pad?  At least I wouldn’t have to turn the bathroom light on.  There is also Always Radiant Incredibly Thin Liners.  That’s about the same, only because it’s labeled incredible I find it very difficult to believe.  The advertisers seemed to have the most trouble with jazzing up the tampon name so they left it simple – Tampax Radiant.  I suppose that says it all.

Silly me I always thought to look for a product that did what it was supposed to do, now they want me to look for one that does what it’s impossible to do.  I know I’m judging without trying the products, but I’m sensing something else is afoot here, and it all starts to make sense when I see the price of these glow sticks is more than for the ordinary, non-radiant type.  Yep, you’ve gotta pay extra to be radiant.

*And speaking of other worthy things – Here is a scripture that really captures how the word radiant should be used:

Ezekiel 43:2 – “and I saw the glory of the God of Israel coming from the east. His voice was like the roar of rushing waters, and the land was radiant with his glory.”